Not a total loss...

OK, now we've had a couple of no-gMa months. Carmen has clearly stated her happiness with this situation, and I feel compelled to chime in here at last with some of my own observations:

1) Having her here was hardest on the others, I reckon because she and I have no past emotional entanglements at all. While I most assuredly concur that she can be very demanding and somewhat maddening to say the least, I was pretty much able to let it roll off my back.

2) Having her here was good for her. She really did seem to be learning the word "please," and once or twice said it without disdain, condecension, or followed by the word "whatever." On a few occasions, she was almost pleasant. Plus, as she is on a very limited income, it was convenient for her not to have to buy food or pay utilities, etc., so she was living rather high on the hog.

3) It was hard for the kids, because as she learned that Carmen and I had expectations of her, she figured that she could still pull rank on the kids.

4) When she eagerly moved in with us, it apparently had not dawned on her that we each had a life, and, what with school and jobs, she was not going to have company all day. Thus, she frequently complained of loneliness, despite our being there in the evenings and all night.

5) While we were indeed there in the evenings and at night, her general attitude caused each of us to seek a hiding place (bedrooms, upstairs, crouched under the rear deck, etc. My favorite place was under a pile of jackets in our closet). Therefore, even when we were there, she justifiably felt abandoned.

6) One can get really tired of telling someone that "I don't know when [Carmen|William|Lizzie|I] will be back." That seemed to be her favorite conversational gambit: the comings and goings of everyone.

I suppose what puzzles me in all this is that she is so clueless. I have heard her being told in no uncertain words that the reason that people don't want to be around her is her lack of courtesy and her constant complaining. I have been a participant in innumerable conversations when she has been told that telling people what to do is unacceptable and that the simple courtesy of asking with a "please" would make all the difference in the world. Still, she literally argues this point and tells us that she is not being rude, thus never seeming to understand that her loneliness is her own fault.

I guess it all comes down to her selfishness. This is a woman whose only concern about others is how their situations will influence her. I still see her at least 3-4 times a week, as I drive her to appointments and the local Senior Center. Since she has left us, she has reverted, I fear..."please" seems to have again fallen out of her vocabulary, and most of our conversations center on how miserable she is (and my reiterating that I really don't know when [Carmen|William|Lizzie|I] will be home.

More's the pity--she had a good thing going. All she needed to do was to try to be pleasant or at least not be a demanding old biddy. She now claims to be lonely at Robinwood (despite there being dozens of folks there 'round the clock). I fear her very same lack of concern for others and her "it's all about me" attitude are now contributing to her loneliness at Robinwood, for surely her sour mien must be wearing on her peers, as well. I guess it still hasn't dawned on her that she drives people away.

Thus far, I've heard no talk of her moving back with us. This is a Good Thing^® as we have all become rather accustomed to being able to move about our home freely, the house now smells better (don't ask)...and it's hard to breathe under all those coats.